I'm not sure if Sam will ever read these 'journal' entries so I hesitate to even post these thoughts. However, my every day life is consumed with concerns, anger, frustration, sadness and hopelessness when it comes to dealing with him. And this is reality for me. I remember a conversation with a good friend once regarding the hardest things we have ever experienced in our lives...my experience was and still is Sam. I remember the exact time when I started to see a different little person...it was exactly 5 years ago...he was 18 months old. I love the little guy dearly...but raising him is sooo hard. It makes me sad. Other's ask what it is that is difficult about him...I can't even explain adequately...he is so complex. So tonight I guess I'm posting because of the overwhelming feelings listed above. Here's to hoping, praying, wishing and crossing my fingers for more patience and peace.
I'm so, so sorry. Big hugs and prayers for you. I can't totally empathize with exactly what you are going through with Sam, but I have certainly had my ongoing struggles with a certain one of my own. It is so, so hard. And it IS sad. You are a wonderful mother. Don't give up.
ReplyDeleteI am so thankful that you shared this! I have my own struggles with Noah, and sometimes I feel guilty for how I feel about it all. The other night, I just cried and wondered how I will ever be the mom he needs, and still have time to be a good mom to my other kids. I love him so much, and his sweet side keeps me going. You are an amazing mom! I love you!
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